We've just become aware of an unexpected danger which may be lying in wait in your font
folder. The threat is unprecedented, a font created with a hidden agenda which threatens virtually every computer user in the world,
targeting not just their data but far more serious vulnerabilities. This is more dangerous than a virus or a spam
attack. Read on and learn why you must purge the Helvetica font from your computer immediately!
In response to our recent problems with hard drive crashes, we wanted to make absolutely sure that our
data would be completely protected. So, after backing up our data from our main design computer onto a new hard drive, we
took that drive to a priest to be blessed. We don't normally go in for the mystical, but it just seemed like a good idea to hedge our
bets given the problems we've had with hard drives in the last year. Father Antonelli was understanding and addressed our unusual request,
blessing the Maxtor 120 and all the programs, files and data on it.
All seemed to be going well until the day after the new drive was installed, when Dave Nalle went to do
some work on a new font. As a point of reference for the metrics he opened up his trusty old copy of Helvetica in Fontographer
and was shocked by what he saw. For some reason - perhaps the result of the blessing - the Helvetica characters were
strangely altered. Instead of the usual plain appearance they were now adorned with cabalistic symbols, dark designs and
mystical symbology which suggested a sinister purpose for the font.
Intrigued by this discovery some experimentation ensued. We found that when you printed the
font out the mystical symbols disappeared and the text looked normal. We also accessed several other copies of Helvetica
from other computers and every single one showed this bizarre characters so long as it was opened with the blessed
copy of Fontographer. We also discovered that we were able to output new copies of Helvetica from the blessed copy of
Fontographer which would install and print showing the altered characters, though this raised some concern about the
wisdom of making this 'revealed' version of the font avialable to others.
Some historical research determined that Helvetica was developed from post-gothic font designs of
the early 1900s, including the significant Zauberen Grotesk designed by Ernst Kleinmutter for the Bavarian publication
Teufelkunst, published by Karl Konigsmueller who was a known intimate of Aleister Crowley. In documents from the
period we discovered references to lost correspondence between Crowley and Konigsmueller regarding a special type design
project. When this particular font design began to become more widely used the name was replaced with the more innocuous
name 'Helvetica', suggesting a spurious Swiss origin. We also learned that although a number of different foundries digitized versions of Helvetica starting in the late 1970s,
all of those versions were based on original source designs provided by the Konigsmueller estate.
The only conclusion we can draw from our historical research and the evidence before our eyes when
we see what Helvetica really looks like, is that the font was developed as a way of gaining paranormal access to computers around
the world, or for the even more sinister purpose of gaining access to the minds and souls of the people using those computers.
Helvetica has become so widespread that virtually everyone in the world is potentially subject to its baneful influence. For that
matter, how else can its unnatural popularity be explained. It's not very attractive, yet out of tens of thousands of fonts it is one
of the very, very few which are on vitually every computer in existence. Can that be coincidence, or is it the work of unholy
So we bring you this warning. Delete all copies of Helvetica from your computer as soon as possible.
Ideally you should then also have your computer blessed by someone in holy orders, a priest or a rabbi or a minister of some
sort. Under no circumstances should you use Helvetica for any further designs or correspondence. If you do so you endanger
not only yourself, but those who read your work and are unwittingly exposed to the hidden influences of this diabolical font.
We realize that this all sounds far-fetched, but we have the proof and will share it with those who are
skeptical. We believe that our revealed version of Helvetica, having passed through our blessed copy of Fontographer and
been newly generated, is stripped of much of its malign power, for it is well known that evil flourishes in secret, but withers
in the light of truth. We're making this revealed Helvetica available for download. But for your safety we advise that before
you use it you take some basic precautions. We would recommend sprinkling your computer screen with holy water and
surrounding your keyboard with votive candles. If you plan to print samples of the font it would be advisible to mix holy water
with the ink, or crushed communion wafers with the toner used to print it. With these simple precautions you ought to be
protected long enough to discover for yourself the danger which Helvetica presents.
To download the revealed version of Helvetica for Windows, CLICK HERE
To download the revealed version of Helvetica for MacOS, CLICK HERE
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